A blog of a 40+ year old german "girl" about sports and having kids and other super exciting happenings in my life <3
Pretty much one year ago I got the diagnosis of having a lump in my left breast.
Well, today I get the news that I have a lump in my right breast. What joy! I’ll have to make an appointment at the radiologist again – I actually thought (or hoped) I wouldn’t see her in a long long time.
It’s very small again, so, … we’ll see…
I don’t have a Fibroadenoma, I do have a Hamartoma. Not very common in the breast. Found that out at the gyn – what a surprise!
I decided, that when my diagnosis of the clump in my breast is negative – meaning it’s a good clump and not cancer – I’ll get my hair cut and donate it to women who’ve been diagnosed with cancer.
I like having long hair – I’ve had it long for the last 4 years, but I’m sometimes also annoyed of it because it’s just much too long at times. Donating my hair seemed like a great idea and after I found out that there are a few organisations who take your cut-off hair and use it to make wigs I couldn’t wait to get my hair cut.
So I did some research on where to donate and until yesterday I was sure to donate it to “Locks of Love“.
I actually wanted to donate to women my age who are diagnosed with cancer but didn’t find anything and L.o.L. seems like a nice organization. L.o.L. take donations for kids who mainly suffer from “Alopecia Areata” and not cancer, which I’d be ok with, seeing it’s terrible for kids to not have hair in any way.
I called my hairdresser on wednesday and my lovely stylist squeezed me in today at 3:30pm
Yesterday I did some more research and after reading a lot (also a NY Times article) and mainly after clicking following link: American Cancer Society I’ve decided to donate to “Pantene Beautiful Lengths” instead, although I was a bit sceptical at first to donate to such a known and big company – I never trust big companies ;).
But, there are a lot of points which made me feel very confident about Pantene:
Here’s the Pantene WP blog.
So, here’s my journey…
At the hairdresser:
I washed my hair this morning at home so my stylist cut it dry. I told her the lenght I’d like to have my “new” hair (about 1-2cm beneath my collarbone) so she cut a little further down so that she has about 2cm left to style my hair. I feel so good now and I can’t wait to send it out to the States on monday 
It’s amazing, I actually was worried to get 21cm and still keep the length I want, but a great 31cm (around 12 inches) long ponytail was cut , I never thought it would be so long. I’m very happy now 
I’ve found following organisations to donate hair to:
The call from the radiologist, telling me that I have a benign tumor (let’s call it Fibroadenoma) in my breast and not a cancerous one. Now I can finally enjoy life again!
It’s done, I had a core needle biopsy today.
It didn’t hurt at all – now, seven hours later, of course I feel a bit of pain.
Here’s the procedure:
I got a compression bandage around my boobs, could hardly breathe. Over the cut I got another band-aid which I have to leave on for four days, no water is allowed to get close to it either. Just like with every cut, I guess.
I’ll get my results on Thursday, Valentine’s Day. Let’s hope that Cupid shot a good tumor with his bow today
It’s been a week since the second doctor approved of me having a probably good tumor in my left breast.
I was relieved that it didn’t grow and that it looks like a typical Fibroadenoma. BUT – it’s probably that way.
Seeing that I couldn’t stop thinking about Tammy the last week and read scary stories about Fibroadenomas being not good at all, I spontaneously called the radiologist this afternoon and made an appointment for a biopsy.
It’s on February 11th, 1pm.
I’ll get a punch biopsy.
I’ll have to get a blood test before then with three values about my blood clotting.
Don’t know how I feel about the biopsy, I’m not scared of it or the results, I just hope everything will go smooth.
The online world, internet, is a great place. You find a lot of information you are interested in (or not) but you also find information you might not want to read.
There are so many people online daily, so many people blogging, so, of course there is one person (or two, or three…) who was falsly diagnosed with a fibroadenoma. It just looked like a fibroadenoma, but it was cancer. And now, after reading her story, I have that funny feeling in my belly again.
So:
Ultrasound #1 by the gynecologist: Dec. 21st 2012 – Diagnosis: Fibroadenoma – Size: 5mm x 3mm
Ultrasound #2 by the radiologist: Jan. 17th 2013 – Diagnosis: Fibroadenoma – Size: 5mm x 3mm
Ultrasound #3 by the gynecologist: Apr. 12th 2013
Ultrasound #4 by the radiologist: Aug. 22nd 2013
I don’t need a biopsy, I can have one if I want it though, for inner peace. After thinking about it a few days (and reading online what the side-effects can be) I decided not to get a biopsy. But now I’m not sure. Now I’m scared again. The only thing that keeps me a bit calm is that the tumor didn’t grow in a month. That it’s still 5x3mm and that, normally, cancerous tumors grow quite fast in such young age.
I’m still taking the nuvaring, I have one left. I will stop taking it then. I don’t want any hormones going into my body, no matter how.
I think I’m still staying with “no biopsy” and wait until my Ultrasound #3. I’m not sure if I should make that appointment for March or April.
I just got back from the radiologist.
She made another sonography of my boobies and good news – the tumor in the left breast didn’t grow! Still the same size, still the same sharp edges.
She said it looks like a good tumor, a fibroadenoma. To be 100% sure I could have a biopsy – she said I should sleep over it and think about it, which I will do. It’s not necessary in her opinion. My next appointment with her is in six months (August – they’re full until then!) and I’ll make another appointment in 2-3 months with my gynecologist. The Fibroadenoma needs to be monitored.
I was soooo nervous today. My biggest concern was that the tumor changed – that it grew, that the edges aren’t so sharp anymore. I could hardly look at the screen when she was doing the sonography and I am so relieved now. I’m so happy I can enjoy my birthday, which is in two days. Can’t wait to celebrate, seeing my Christmas was full of tears (I got the diagnosis on dec. 21st and was so worried).
I named my tumor Tammy. Tammy the Tumor. Now I will enjoy my yoga class
So, on dec. 21st 12 I had an appointment with my gyn.
Just a regular examination, which I have twice a year. This time I asked for an ultrasonography, seeing I have pain in my left breast every once in a while and, the main reason, because an online friend of mine was diagnosed with breastcancer at the age of 30 (my age). It doesn’t run in her family (neither in mine) so that got me worried.
I examine my chest once a month (one week after my period) and never feel anything noticeable.
So, during the sonography, my left breast showed a black spot. I was laying there, watching the screen, didn’t know what to think. I never had a sonography of my chest and didn’t know if that’s normal or not. My doctor examined that spot quite a long time so I figured that can’t be normal.
She told me the black spot looks like a typical Fibroadenoma, it’s 5mm x 3mm (too small to feel), it’s hard and not supplied with blood. It has hard lines. So, meaning, a good tumor. She tried to tell me that I shouldn’t worry, that it really does look like a fibroadenoma and that the chances of it being cancer are so low etc… but she also said “oh, I think I cannot say anything because of your friend, you’re stigmatized”.
She gave me the phone number and address of a radiologist so that I can get a second opinion. She said I should get a mammography and another sonography. If I wanted, I could get a biopsy right away as well. I should think about it.
So, you can imagine, friday dec. 21st in the afternoon is the worst day to get a diagnosis like that. EVERY DOCTOR in the country is closed the next one or two weeks. They’re on their well deserved Christmas Vacation.
I got home on Friday eve and the first thing I did was cried. I didn’t wish for something like that.
And then I googled. I have my sonography-photos so I looked at a lot of sonography photos of good and bad breast tumors on google images. My little black thing does look like a good one, but still, I don’t know for sure yet.
The first week after the sonography I was quite miserable, cried a lot, couldn’t stop thinking about it, always kept touching my breast.
I always called the radiologist but nobody answered. Finally, on dec. 27, somebody did! My appointment for the second examination is on January 17th (two days before my birthday), one week after my period.
I was pretty good the last weeks, didn’t worry too much about it, but today it’s horrible again. I don’t know if it’s because the appointment is coming closer and closer (so scared and nervous) or if it’s my hormones. One time my brain thinks “it’ll be a good lump”, one minute later I think “What if it’s cancer. What if the doctor can’t see if it’s good or bad! Then I still won’t know what it is. Then I’ll have to have a biopsy (I don’t want a mammography because I’ve read too much negative about it the past months)”.
Then I get this weird feeling in my tummy area and I get worked up on those thoughts.
It’s the not knowing and the time, until you know, that drives me crazy.
Right away when I came home on the 21st and told my parents, my mom grabbed me and said “don’t drive yourself crazy now, I know you like to do that, but try not to.” … it’s hard to try not too. I’m a person who worries immediately and I always assume the worst. Also if a family member is sick I worry way too much.
It feels good to write this down.
